Being a MOM, sharing some tips and reality…

“God doesn't require us to succeed, he only requires that you try.” 
― Mother Teresa

Amazed at how life changed after being a Mommy, to two beautiful kids. I am thrilled… but feel unsure like many in my boat.. I am sure would agree.

The journey from an independent working woman to a full time Mommy has deprived me of the many abilities to have a full time career,  having to not deal with routine to do things at odd hours, or simply do nothing or anything. They were past luxuries!

This post is not about the rumblings of a Mommy, but about little things that women can adopt to change their living.

Here is a list of habits I inculcated in my little ones to ensure that they become independent soon:

This is a piece of my journey I will be glad to know your tips, feel free to leave your list in the comment section at the end of this post, may be we can together arrive at a better comprehensive list. Looking to learn more from you. 

Please contribute your learning!

- Provide ample mingling opportunity- start from as early as 1.18 years to 2 years.

Kids learn to manage themselves in groups this has benefits later on when they go to school. An early start in this arena helps them learn an important life skill- Team bonding and you can peacefully be rest assured that your toddler will know how to survive in groups as he grows.

- Encourage your little one to start eating and bathing independently

This can be started right after potty training your young one as by that time they start to follow instructions. This will teach them self-dependence and in a way helps to foster good hygiene habits.

- Self reading and self-play

I started by initially reading rhymes and pictorial story books to develop interest, slowly they picked up.

Now I buy them interesting books and they like to explore. I am blessed with two kids so introducing self-play was relatively easy, games like UNO, Carom Board, the good old SNAKES & LADDER, LUDO, CHESS etc. believe me kids love these activities. We only need to introduce them in the right way.

- Minimize dependence

Now this might be a little unconventional but I think it works wonders to ask the little ones to do tasks on their own as much as possible, things like dropping to school bus, applying paste on tooth brush, socializing independently etc.

Some might differ as we are traditionally taught to be servicing our kids, so per that standard we might be giving them a dose of extra freedom, but I believe this teaches kids to be responsible for the freedom they received and teaches an important life skill- Ownership.

If they commit a mistake they pay for it and learn to rectify errors on their own!

Now these were some things for the kids, what about us the moms.

It’s fine to want your dreams, to be living

Have a mission apart from being a Mommy.

“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” 

― Paulo Coelho

See my next post on “So you think you are a Mommy born to be? Are you truly connected?”  Next on my blog watch this space!

Women seeking a career break my musings, and reality!

Image from the net!

"How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” ― Anaïs Nin

I was in the midst of a successful career, really busy making it work for me, suddenly I had to pause unexpectedly, I was pregnant…expecting our first child, that did not bother me and all seemed fine until I noticed things were changing around me.

Meetings were getting fewer and there were not many new projects in my kitty. I was still performing like before but my boss’s perception of me and my abilities had changed. Not liking this I tried to fight but it was a hidden gun pointed at my face; needless to say I did not survive the bullet.

Does this sound familiar? A corporate chess game, many witness each day!

I think many would relate to my story. We may be creating welfare policies at corporate levels but they will be ineffective useless pieces of paper until we change the mindset. 

Cartoon Image taken from the net.

I wondered why was it me, stepping down, here are my findings:

• We have been taught to be responsible for child support, elderly care etc. As little girls it was imbibed in our upbringing to forego personal goals for a successful family. I now beg to differ, we should not do anything that we do not want to as this causes deep sorrow and further results in lot of emotional discord, the basics here are simple, I asked myself can I make others happy if I am not being so deep within? The answer is a big no, it’s OK to be living for yourself ladies, without any guilt!
• What stops us from including our partners in child support? The old school of thought that a good wife will do it all by herself. I think we must seek their help from the early days so they get to understand and both partners in a family get some breathing space for living. It’s not a crime it’s OK. We learn the tricks after becoming a mother so can they?
• Here is an interesting list of rules by oprah winfrey- building happy relationships.

It is not gender specific I have come across many women managers saying they would not like to promote or hire somebody who is pregnant or has young kids. Once your secret is revealed things begin to change plans for bigger roles, promotion, on site visits etc. suddenly disappear.
 This is also not a culture specific trend it’s a global phenomenon affecting many women. It was nice to see so much buzz about it in the virtual world. 

A hope may be something would change soon in reality!

I was thrilled to read this post and would be so glad if such a thing is accepted and practiced Mothers should get a six-yearcareer break, says FTSE 100 chairman, yet another post on similar lines An interesting read First female union chief: 'Jobsmarket is bias against all women from the outset'.

I could clearly see,  I was being set up for an unsuccessful return after my maternity but fighting was difficult and surprisingly other women folks were watching discreetly no body choose to voice with me, probably it worked for them but we failed as a society, I feel. It did give me a purpose though, I chose to write read and research about my state.

Image borrowed from the net.

During my time out and a successful return, I did a few things that all women must consider:

- Keep in touch - network with colleagues and friends

This is important as you would not want your image frozen in time, making a comeback difficult for you later. People might be able to help with useful information once you are ready.

- Polish your core skills

This is really critical as it will help in building confidence and you will have pointers to explain what you did during the break. While planning a comeback this is the most difficult part, prospective employers would want to know why they should hire you after a break are your skills updated. 
- Identify creative ventures

I choose to explore my writing skills and started a few blogs, this helped in two ways I research so knowledge quotient is not degraded and creating literal stuff  skill quotient is in place. There are other options as well like writing a book in your field of profession, doing freelance work, voluntary works etc.

- Connect with like-minded people

Believe me during my research to write about this I was amazed to find several women in my boat. This made me feel better and this collaboration helps build a support system, knowledge sharing and at the end you feel better.I connected with a few and here I am writing with a mission.

- Upgrade your skills consider further education/Certifications 

While planning my first career break I was finding it hard to get past the initial resume screening rounds, I was rejected without a second glance. Then I found out I need to upgrade so I did my post-graduation and it worked helped. Needless to say I landed a job.

- Keep up your confidence

My mind doubted my abilities as being at home had its adverse effects I had lost my confidence. It might sound silly but it worked I dressed like I am going to work and would hunt for jobs, I imagined myself working, made my friends take mock interviews and may be fooled my brain but I gained confidence.
- Seek support when you need
Once I decided to get back it was difficult to get a break, after struggling alone for a few months, I connected with friends asked them to help. It worked. Now that being said we need to be judicious about whom you seek help from as it will work negatively on your self-esteem if you face rejection or no support from friends. 

Here is more about me to douse your curiosity!
I am a mother to two, HR professional turned poet, writer, blogger. 
I took a career break in 2008 after my first child , proud to say successfully broke the unemployed edge and returned to work but then had to take another break after just 10 months of being employed want to know why, read my next post on my blog!  Is it enough to get a job to bounce back after a break?

There is another aspect worth mentioning, while planning to bounce back I am sure many, like I did, wonder if they are neglecting their responsibilities, is it worth it and if the time is right or when should we plan a return?

I realized after much introspection that the answer to all these is simple, no we are not neglecting anything and the time is right when you are ready. 

Children go to school does that mean they are neglecting you, husbands go to work so should you if you want to, we all have dreams and we should go after them freely.

We must not let social pressures come in our way towards reaching our dreams, Are social pressures stopping you? Here is an interest read about how to beat it?

In my quest to share and support other women in my boat, here is my top return to work support resources and some interesting posts from around the globe. 

May be this can pep you up, help you gear for the fight -landing a great job!

Browse through the list and click on whatever works for you to read - learn and win!

1. I re-launch is a site dedicated to help women at global level providing support to women to bounce back after a career break.
2.     10 Expert Tips on Going Back to Work by lisa Heffmen
3.     Returning to Work After a Career Break: The GOOD News
4.     How to write your resume after a career break for women
5.     Help Women Succeed - Non-Profit helping women in India‎
6.    TATA – Second Career Internship Programme for Women:   
7.  HUL Launches 'Career by Choice' for women in India 

 A  small request!

Dr. Malissa Clark an assistant professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Georgia, is leading an online study to learn more about women’s career breaks’
I urge all women to take a few moments and participate, raise your voice shout out, ...yes I know it’s conducted by University of Georgia,.... so what? 

We are  living in a virtual world  no boundaries global edge, data speaks louder than words. Let your voice be heard. There are no boundaries!

Click here to take the survey now!

I can't stop writing on this here is my poetry, how can I finish something without my famous touch :-)

A bird
seeking liberty

Chose to speak

inner words revolutionary

might be contradictory!

My deeds 

may be 
out of ordinary!

I choose

to be a woman

of dignity 
respecting my integrity!

By Bhawana Bhowmik

Also read 'The Piranha in me.'..'Women s identity'... 'I am pickled jalapeno'..my other poetry posts on this subject!

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” 
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” 
― Brigham Young

Footprints ........

None would survive for eternity,
Maybe, footprints will!
Let me make you know me,
 through how I lived!!
 

There are not many who achieved their complete potential per their perseverance and found contentment complete bliss- living solace.
why we feel compelled to do things we would not choose-otherwise??

Haunted by this very question I searched myself and this write up is the resultant.
History has it written all over that great personalities were not built by choice alone they were meant to be- it was destiny. Reading this sentence it seems fundamentally wrong as we wrongly perceive that destiny is what we achieve easily.

Mahatma Gandhi did not think or choose to be the father of such a huge nation, driving an unheard movement, revolution. Brought so much change but it was not his choosing, he merely chose to go by the flow of situations and do the right thing in that moment. Personalities are made unintentionally. Who would choose misery willingly? He actually wanted to be a barrister, went out of country for higher studies, but landed being a revolutionist.

The course of our life is not defined by us at all, it is other things surrounding-situations making us.
Numerous times we reach a cross road capable of changing us for ever- there after.Do we genuinely get to choose?

My answer to this was-NO because the variables would leave no option but to make us choose what is to be chosen, seems difficult most times. We are driven by an unseen hand taking us where we ought to reach.Call it fate, destiny, Karma but it's there so imbibing on to our life's footprints.

Day by day minute by minute we are making history for what we see today right now in this moment will become a memory in the next moment. We all know this but how ironic it is that still we feel this is no reason to be the best we can be, to give each moment the best we can offer.

I am haunted sometimes with the reality that all I do is history for people who are yet to be. If we do not live each moment to the best of our standards we will be embedded in history with our weakness- faulty.

People who are great are great because they make the most of each moment. Not knowing their place in what is to come later, to illustrate this let us go back to the example of Mahatma Gandhi, he did not know the place and affect of his doing he was simply compelled to act.
It would be impossible to act if we know what it would mean tomorrow. We might be intimidated.

Another question that comes to me is are we that important to be noted, the answer is may be not that important to this moment right here but, surely a piece of a bigger picture which will reveal when this time is history. All pieces fall back in place- evolve.

We would be the center stage for what we created, hence all that we do each moment all the choices that we make or are compelled to make will make the tomorrow for us- our future image.

In my younger years I believed that a man is the sum total of all the choices he has made, but today after walking a little further on life's road I know for certain that our choices are not ours alone to be made, they are time, situation and circumstance bound .So I feel the best a man can do is accept the course with a smiling face.

The question is not about all the choices it is about the choice of accepting the course happily or choosing to fight it. I guess it is the ultimate question of all our lives. How we choose to be.

The thing about seeking truth is amusing we are happy when we don't know the complete truth  about things and sad very sad the minute it is revealed. Mystery is lost.

what makes us sad, is it the fact that the truth about things is not what we perceived it to be or we did not want it in the first place.Either ways the choice is ours to make as it seems but is it really !!

I am compelled by the scenario good ugly bad.Good would be the ideal and matches exactly to what we imagined, ugly would be different but acceptable and bad is completely opposite to our perceptions and seems not acceptable. But that often is the hand of fate bringing us closer to destiny.

The only choice that really is ours to make is weather to be happy or to be sad. All else is beyond reach, combined human destiny!!

“A Psalm of Life.....

Tell me not in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each tomorrow     

Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act, - act in the living Present!

Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints

on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o'er life's solenm main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.” 

― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

What is ? IS...

"A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth." - Robert Frost

Life grows with time like a molecule becomes a child and a child an adult and an adult then dies. has so many forms and there is definitely a great deal happening in the universe I feel, for all this energy and so much change there has to be a cause. A question asked many a times by humanity the purpose of all things existing the meaning of suffering.

Sometimes it feels what matters is me and that is it but the next minute the picture changes, shows that I matter to the cosmos. The greatest thing about greatness is that it does not know it's extent huge or small or else it will seize to be.
Nu ten did not know the greatness of the discovery of gravity and it changed the future of mankind. Galileo did not comprehend the effects of his theories but he knew he was right.
So I feel greatness is not you or me it is time, beyond all of us. Small deeds we are capable of performing are holding immense power to change a lot of things!

There definitely is a greater cause to where we are in our lives. We are just a connecting loop in the huge chain of events happening all around us. And only when we become history should the complete picture be revealed until then there is no cause to fight change, let us just flow.

Life is for sure certainty; each soul has a destiny and a mission to fulfill. There is absolutely no need to ponder and fight the destiny by desiring things which might not be in your destiny. So I quit desiring and begin to live each moment like it is. Like it is meant to be, for the greater picture will reveal my place in eternity. But a sacrifice done today will lay light on lot of things so let us just be. Letting go of what is , is important to embrace what is yet to be.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” 
― Mother Teresa
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 
― Joseph Campbell