Women seeking a career break my musings, and reality!

Image from the net!

"How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” ― Anaïs Nin

I was in the midst of a successful career, really busy making it work for me, suddenly I had to pause unexpectedly, I was pregnant…expecting our first child, that did not bother me and all seemed fine until I noticed things were changing around me.

Meetings were getting fewer and there were not many new projects in my kitty. I was still performing like before but my boss’s perception of me and my abilities had changed. Not liking this I tried to fight but it was a hidden gun pointed at my face; needless to say I did not survive the bullet.

Does this sound familiar? A corporate chess game, many witness each day!

I think many would relate to my story. We may be creating welfare policies at corporate levels but they will be ineffective useless pieces of paper until we change the mindset. 

Cartoon Image taken from the net.

I wondered why was it me, stepping down, here are my findings:

• We have been taught to be responsible for child support, elderly care etc. As little girls it was imbibed in our upbringing to forego personal goals for a successful family. I now beg to differ, we should not do anything that we do not want to as this causes deep sorrow and further results in lot of emotional discord, the basics here are simple, I asked myself can I make others happy if I am not being so deep within? The answer is a big no, it’s OK to be living for yourself ladies, without any guilt!
• What stops us from including our partners in child support? The old school of thought that a good wife will do it all by herself. I think we must seek their help from the early days so they get to understand and both partners in a family get some breathing space for living. It’s not a crime it’s OK. We learn the tricks after becoming a mother so can they?
• Here is an interesting list of rules by oprah winfrey- building happy relationships.

It is not gender specific I have come across many women managers saying they would not like to promote or hire somebody who is pregnant or has young kids. Once your secret is revealed things begin to change plans for bigger roles, promotion, on site visits etc. suddenly disappear.
 This is also not a culture specific trend it’s a global phenomenon affecting many women. It was nice to see so much buzz about it in the virtual world. 

A hope may be something would change soon in reality!

I was thrilled to read this post and would be so glad if such a thing is accepted and practiced Mothers should get a six-yearcareer break, says FTSE 100 chairman, yet another post on similar lines An interesting read First female union chief: 'Jobsmarket is bias against all women from the outset'.

I could clearly see,  I was being set up for an unsuccessful return after my maternity but fighting was difficult and surprisingly other women folks were watching discreetly no body choose to voice with me, probably it worked for them but we failed as a society, I feel. It did give me a purpose though, I chose to write read and research about my state.

Image borrowed from the net.

During my time out and a successful return, I did a few things that all women must consider:

- Keep in touch - network with colleagues and friends

This is important as you would not want your image frozen in time, making a comeback difficult for you later. People might be able to help with useful information once you are ready.

- Polish your core skills

This is really critical as it will help in building confidence and you will have pointers to explain what you did during the break. While planning a comeback this is the most difficult part, prospective employers would want to know why they should hire you after a break are your skills updated. 
- Identify creative ventures

I choose to explore my writing skills and started a few blogs, this helped in two ways I research so knowledge quotient is not degraded and creating literal stuff  skill quotient is in place. There are other options as well like writing a book in your field of profession, doing freelance work, voluntary works etc.

- Connect with like-minded people

Believe me during my research to write about this I was amazed to find several women in my boat. This made me feel better and this collaboration helps build a support system, knowledge sharing and at the end you feel better.I connected with a few and here I am writing with a mission.

- Upgrade your skills consider further education/Certifications 

While planning my first career break I was finding it hard to get past the initial resume screening rounds, I was rejected without a second glance. Then I found out I need to upgrade so I did my post-graduation and it worked helped. Needless to say I landed a job.

- Keep up your confidence

My mind doubted my abilities as being at home had its adverse effects I had lost my confidence. It might sound silly but it worked I dressed like I am going to work and would hunt for jobs, I imagined myself working, made my friends take mock interviews and may be fooled my brain but I gained confidence.
- Seek support when you need
Once I decided to get back it was difficult to get a break, after struggling alone for a few months, I connected with friends asked them to help. It worked. Now that being said we need to be judicious about whom you seek help from as it will work negatively on your self-esteem if you face rejection or no support from friends. 

Here is more about me to douse your curiosity!
I am a mother to two, HR professional turned poet, writer, blogger. 
I took a career break in 2008 after my first child , proud to say successfully broke the unemployed edge and returned to work but then had to take another break after just 10 months of being employed want to know why, read my next post on my blog!  Is it enough to get a job to bounce back after a break?

There is another aspect worth mentioning, while planning to bounce back I am sure many, like I did, wonder if they are neglecting their responsibilities, is it worth it and if the time is right or when should we plan a return?

I realized after much introspection that the answer to all these is simple, no we are not neglecting anything and the time is right when you are ready. 

Children go to school does that mean they are neglecting you, husbands go to work so should you if you want to, we all have dreams and we should go after them freely.

We must not let social pressures come in our way towards reaching our dreams, Are social pressures stopping you? Here is an interest read about how to beat it?

In my quest to share and support other women in my boat, here is my top return to work support resources and some interesting posts from around the globe. 

May be this can pep you up, help you gear for the fight -landing a great job!

Browse through the list and click on whatever works for you to read - learn and win!

1. I re-launch is a site dedicated to help women at global level providing support to women to bounce back after a career break.
2.     10 Expert Tips on Going Back to Work by lisa Heffmen
3.     Returning to Work After a Career Break: The GOOD News
4.     How to write your resume after a career break for women
5.     Help Women Succeed - Non-Profit helping women in India‎
6.    TATA – Second Career Internship Programme for Women:   
7.  HUL Launches 'Career by Choice' for women in India 

 A  small request!

Dr. Malissa Clark an assistant professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Georgia, is leading an online study to learn more about women’s career breaks’
I urge all women to take a few moments and participate, raise your voice shout out, ...yes I know it’s conducted by University of Georgia,.... so what? 

We are  living in a virtual world  no boundaries global edge, data speaks louder than words. Let your voice be heard. There are no boundaries!

Click here to take the survey now!

I can't stop writing on this here is my poetry, how can I finish something without my famous touch :-)

A bird
seeking liberty

Chose to speak

inner words revolutionary

might be contradictory!

My deeds 

may be 
out of ordinary!

I choose

to be a woman

of dignity 
respecting my integrity!

By Bhawana Bhowmik

Also read 'The Piranha in me.'..'Women s identity'... 'I am pickled jalapeno'..my other poetry posts on this subject!

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” 
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” 
― Brigham Young

Footprints ........

None would survive for eternity,
Maybe, footprints will!
Let me make you know me,
 through how I lived!!
 

There are not many who achieved their complete potential per their perseverance and found contentment complete bliss- living solace.
why we feel compelled to do things we would not choose-otherwise??

Haunted by this very question I searched myself and this write up is the resultant.
History has it written all over that great personalities were not built by choice alone they were meant to be- it was destiny. Reading this sentence it seems fundamentally wrong as we wrongly perceive that destiny is what we achieve easily.

Mahatma Gandhi did not think or choose to be the father of such a huge nation, driving an unheard movement, revolution. Brought so much change but it was not his choosing, he merely chose to go by the flow of situations and do the right thing in that moment. Personalities are made unintentionally. Who would choose misery willingly? He actually wanted to be a barrister, went out of country for higher studies, but landed being a revolutionist.

The course of our life is not defined by us at all, it is other things surrounding-situations making us.
Numerous times we reach a cross road capable of changing us for ever- there after.Do we genuinely get to choose?

My answer to this was-NO because the variables would leave no option but to make us choose what is to be chosen, seems difficult most times. We are driven by an unseen hand taking us where we ought to reach.Call it fate, destiny, Karma but it's there so imbibing on to our life's footprints.

Day by day minute by minute we are making history for what we see today right now in this moment will become a memory in the next moment. We all know this but how ironic it is that still we feel this is no reason to be the best we can be, to give each moment the best we can offer.

I am haunted sometimes with the reality that all I do is history for people who are yet to be. If we do not live each moment to the best of our standards we will be embedded in history with our weakness- faulty.

People who are great are great because they make the most of each moment. Not knowing their place in what is to come later, to illustrate this let us go back to the example of Mahatma Gandhi, he did not know the place and affect of his doing he was simply compelled to act.
It would be impossible to act if we know what it would mean tomorrow. We might be intimidated.

Another question that comes to me is are we that important to be noted, the answer is may be not that important to this moment right here but, surely a piece of a bigger picture which will reveal when this time is history. All pieces fall back in place- evolve.

We would be the center stage for what we created, hence all that we do each moment all the choices that we make or are compelled to make will make the tomorrow for us- our future image.

In my younger years I believed that a man is the sum total of all the choices he has made, but today after walking a little further on life's road I know for certain that our choices are not ours alone to be made, they are time, situation and circumstance bound .So I feel the best a man can do is accept the course with a smiling face.

The question is not about all the choices it is about the choice of accepting the course happily or choosing to fight it. I guess it is the ultimate question of all our lives. How we choose to be.

The thing about seeking truth is amusing we are happy when we don't know the complete truth  about things and sad very sad the minute it is revealed. Mystery is lost.

what makes us sad, is it the fact that the truth about things is not what we perceived it to be or we did not want it in the first place.Either ways the choice is ours to make as it seems but is it really !!

I am compelled by the scenario good ugly bad.Good would be the ideal and matches exactly to what we imagined, ugly would be different but acceptable and bad is completely opposite to our perceptions and seems not acceptable. But that often is the hand of fate bringing us closer to destiny.

The only choice that really is ours to make is weather to be happy or to be sad. All else is beyond reach, combined human destiny!!

“A Psalm of Life.....

Tell me not in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each tomorrow     

Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act, - act in the living Present!

Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints

on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o'er life's solenm main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.” 

― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

What is ? IS...

"A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth." - Robert Frost

Life grows with time like a molecule becomes a child and a child an adult and an adult then dies. has so many forms and there is definitely a great deal happening in the universe I feel, for all this energy and so much change there has to be a cause. A question asked many a times by humanity the purpose of all things existing the meaning of suffering.

Sometimes it feels what matters is me and that is it but the next minute the picture changes, shows that I matter to the cosmos. The greatest thing about greatness is that it does not know it's extent huge or small or else it will seize to be.
Nu ten did not know the greatness of the discovery of gravity and it changed the future of mankind. Galileo did not comprehend the effects of his theories but he knew he was right.
So I feel greatness is not you or me it is time, beyond all of us. Small deeds we are capable of performing are holding immense power to change a lot of things!

There definitely is a greater cause to where we are in our lives. We are just a connecting loop in the huge chain of events happening all around us. And only when we become history should the complete picture be revealed until then there is no cause to fight change, let us just flow.

Life is for sure certainty; each soul has a destiny and a mission to fulfill. There is absolutely no need to ponder and fight the destiny by desiring things which might not be in your destiny. So I quit desiring and begin to live each moment like it is. Like it is meant to be, for the greater picture will reveal my place in eternity. But a sacrifice done today will lay light on lot of things so let us just be. Letting go of what is , is important to embrace what is yet to be.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” 
― Mother Teresa
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 
― Joseph Campbell

RIGHT OR WRONG????

“We don’t need a list of rights and wrongs, tables of dos and don’ts: we need books, time, and silence. Thou shalt not is soon forgotten, but Once upon a time lasts forever.”
― Philip Pullman 

Is this not the basic question we all must ask ourselves before deeds  are  done Ideally we should. The purpose of all education and fostering is to help us understand wright vs wrong, morally, socially, culturally. This debate exists at every place.

The sound of conscious is a constant struggle between the two logic’s right and wrong. And the answer is circumstantial, what seems right today can change another day and in a different set up.

You may get only one chance

To do what you think is right

For everything you do today

You will think about tonight

 A given deed can seem right in a particular set up and could be deemed out-rightly wrong in another situation.

How ironic it is that almost all times the logic to be wrong seems lucrative then to be right. Easier is to take the corrupt route and get everything, we want but the cost we pay is huge. I feel a deed is right if it benefits somebody, morality always is not the straight answer to being right. Responses are situational.

Making money can be a classic example, the objective is to be self-sufficient, but the means acquired to achieve them are crucial for ultimate satisfaction. Wealth alone is not enough.

We need balanced existence having family, social support, hobbies , spirituality etc. Together they make us complete. If one focuses only on the desire to be wealthy and ignores the rest he will be agonized, not living a worth it life!

On our journey to achieve things we desire if a wrong deed is done, harming somebody morally, economically or physically it will surface tomorrow, haunting us. It seems easy from the point of authority, position and power bestowed upon us from a situation to seek quicker gains by misusing these. There is a cost in being righteous and a penalty for being corrupt. The cost of being right is rewarded in long run karmic-ally. I believe in Karma.

It astounds me, often we are confronted by our past mistakes, yet the charm to take the easy course remains. Sad but true we posses no power to undo the past, the only thing that remains is to face the present.

I wish that we learn to question ourselves “Right or wrong”?I was asked this by my 3 year old in innocent words” Mamma what is right and wrong?”
I was silent and thought what to say to a toddler. Societies communities are struggling to figure out.

I could just manage saying right is right and wrong is wrong.